Don’t Shout! – I Love You!

Relationships are precious and you should do all you can to protect and cherish them. Whether its with your children, partner or close friends. Never assume that it’s OK to for you to put their feelings to one side in favour of your own misplaced mindset. As the saying goes ” You may win the battle but you will lose the war”. Emotional domination rarely contributes to any relationship and if left unchecked can soon turn to bullying – even if its unintended! Later apologies and regrets will do nothing for the loss of trust that the experience brings.

Whilst we all get tired and frustrated at times, it is important to remember that your temporary misjudgement and consequential actions can affect the relationship permanently (particularly in the case of children).  Your actions can even lead to behaviour changes in those closest to you. Your children may start having problems at school, Your spouse may lie to you because they “Didn’t want to upset you” or friends may feel anxious and tread carefully when you are present.

Unless used a warning of impending danger; NEVER shout at anyone! A slightly raised voice normally remains coherent and is usually interpreted as well meaning.Shouting in an argument creates fear, resentment and anxiety. It is important to remember that when someone is shouting it is confrontational and may be felt emotionally as verbal abuse. The possibility and fear of impending violence can lead to violence itself, which is obviously never acceptable in any form of relationship.

If you should find yourself shouting, try to take some deep breathes, consider the immediate and long term effects on the relationship. If necessary, apologise for your loss of control and excuse yourself from the confrontation with grace and dignity. Once on your own do not  over-analyse the situation, just calmly reflect on the root cause then use a shared positive approach to avoid future recurrences. It really can be that simple!

Always reassure those closest to you that your love for them remains true, explain that it is the situation or circumstance that you hate – not them! Always part with love in your heart!

When my children were naughty, I never let them go to bed without saying “I Love You! which usually resulted in a welcome hug. I have also made a point over the years of saying to my closest friends that regardless of situations or circumstances their friendship is very important to me – It is good for love and friendship to be reaffirmed and not taken for granted.

None of us are perfect! we all let our standards and values slip from time to time. But if we actively tried to seek out the lessons of love and harmony within our own families and circle of friends, what an amazing difference we could experience. If that was then passed on by our friends and their children, then their friends and children maybe we could create greater understanding of what humanity truly means.

The sincere giving of ones self, unconditional love,understanding and kindness is everything! If you abuse it you will risk losing it!

Until Next Time….

Jonathan.

 

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